No. Your intestines are not rigid enough to withstand a vacuum strong enough to move liquid rapidly through you. Just look up any story about someone who sat on the drain valve of a pool and had their colon and parts of their large intestines sucked out their anus.
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Do not go near those pool drains, no matter how good you think they feel on your butt. Those things will suck the intestines right out of you.
I’ll…take your word for that.
And then never had calamari again once they broke free
Maybe once all the intestines get sucked out you’ll become straw-worthy?
Well yeah. biologically speaking we are all just really complicated moving donuts.
So topologically speaking as well?
That would be quite shitty straw…
No they’re a candelabra
Play being a giant and use a prawn as a straw.
If you want to first drink a disgusting concentrated solution of chloridic acid that would literally burn your mouth… That’s how far you can realistically get. It’s closed after that
Like getting a fly in your piña colada that got stuck in the straw
That’s my kink.
applies chapstick
That would be one hell of a cleanse!
Humans are donuts.
