How can you actively prevent it from getting worse—like starting now/today?
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Justifying staying alive to myself.
Not saying I’m suicidal, but I’m increasingly losing my enthusiasm for living compared to when I was a kid. Used to have all these aspirations for my life and how I’d make a difference, now I’ve just accepted apathetically going through the motions until I die.
maybe think about like how much stuff there is actually to do? like in tasks or in things you could do
and then realise that even a full human life is not even a drop in a bucket to do all of this
so that there is no reason to not be alive, since beeing alive will like never get boring
It ofc depends a lot about what you find intresting, but like lets say you are into reading, there are so many books to read. And even if you read all of them (intresting ones), there are other languages, which you can learn, to read even more…
Or like just get linux, and try to set it up perfectly, this alone feels like it could take a lifetime btw
I don’t have a justification I just am
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A lot of people I know are struggling and I don’t know how to help them.
They have vaguely asked me for help but they all have difficult problems that I can’t do a whole lot about. I know its not necessarily my responsibility to fix things for them but I tend to have a ‘fix things’ mentality and I get stuck thinking about what I can possibly even do.
Its difficult. Society and community are so fragmented now. People don’t want to ask for help. People don’t want to give unsolicited help.
I’ve got skills and support I can offer. I’m not even asking others for anything. People don’t even want to take the offer to give unconditionally. I’ll give you a lift…they don’t want it. I can help fix things in your house …they don’t want it. Feel free to borrow my tools…they don’t want it. I can look after your kids for a few hours and give you a break, my kids would love to play with them at our house…they understandably feel anxious about that. No problem, come over yourself with your kids on the weekend, we’ll make you lunch, get to know us…they don’t want it. You’re starting in the same career field that I’ve progressed in, I’ve got resources that will help…they don’t want it. I’ll share my Jellyfin server…they don’t want it.
I don’t get it. I just want to connect with people and help them…they don’t want it.
It’s really hard to accept help sometimes.
Our family went through the ringer the first half of this year and we had an outpouring of people offering support and help. It’s not that I didn’t need it, I just didn’t think I needed it at the time. Looking back on even 6 months ago, I was pretty dumb for not delegating some things that would have taken a lot off my plate that I didn’t need to deal with at all.
If you’re in a new place around new people, one way I’ve found that works sometimes is just asking someone for help with something really trivial, but not something that could easily be done yourself. Something that could just use another set of hands. It’s kind of an ice breaker and the other person might feel more inclined to be able to ask for some help next time.
Anyway, you seem like good people, I wish you were my neighbor. Don’t let people stop you from continuing to be a good person.
I think people feel weird accepting help now more than they ever have. I’ve kind of stopped offering because my thoughts are more like “eh, they got it” type thing.
they dont’ want help. they just want to complain. and they will actively hate you if you try to help them.
how do I know? because I’ve been there a million times. and life is a lot better when you give up trying to help people who are only interested in being miserable.
the person you should be helping is yourself. invest in yourself, not throwing yoru time and energy away on people who will never give that time and energy back to you. it will leave you miserable and depressed and drained.
My life is pretty much in limbo right now. I can’t get a job because I don’t have a bank account and I can’t get a bank account because I don’t have an ID and I can’t get an ID because my parents wont get me one. I’ve been asking for a bank account ever since I graduated high school back in 2016 but they just keep telling me “We’ll get you one eventually, we just don’t have time right now” despite the fact that they sit around playing video games all day. What frustrates me even more, is that they let my sister get a bank account and a part time job back when she was still in high school.
Yikes, that’s a long time to be stuck in what sounds like an abusive family dynamic. I’m so sorry.
I’m guessing you’ve looked into any possible alternative routes to an ID?
I have not looked into that, if there are other ways of getting an ID that are legal, I might try them.
Yeah, you should. What country are you in?
I live in the US. I actually checked online for what my state requires to get an ID and I don’t think it’s possible for me to do without my parents. The only things I have access to are my SSN and possibly my birth certificate but I would need to provide several additional documents that I either don’t have access to or have no idea how to provide them. It also seems like there isn’t a way to get one online unless you’ve previously gotten one, which I obviously haven’t.
In the US, there’s Adult Protective Services that might be able to help you.
So you’re in your 20’s, in the states, and have never had a bank account?
I won’t make assumptions about how that happened. I’m Canadian so I don’t know how helpful this will be since our regulations are a bit different, but have you tried just walking into a bank with everything you have and explaining the situation? If they can’t set up an account they should at least be able to point you in the right direction.
In Canada we can get a driver’s learner permit with minimal ID. Birth certificate, SSN and proof of address should be enough. If you can get that you’ll have a government issued photo ID and you’ll be set. Alternatively, we can get a provincial ID with minimum documentation, if you can’t get a driver’s licence. There must be some equivalent in the states.
Another option is to get someone to notorize a document and photo that says you are you. Just call a notary near you and ask how.
I would try going to the bank on my own, but I’m not allowed to leave the house alone because my parents will threaten to call the police on me because they think I’m suicidal.
That also rules out the last thing you said because even if I could get an ID through that method, I still wont be able to get a bank account.
It sounds like the root problem is not being able to leave the house.
Do you know anyone who can escort you? Furthermore, “leaving the house while suicidal” isn’t a crime. You’re a legal adult, so unless there are measures in place the cops can’t force you to do anything. Even if they can bring you back, you can probably set some stuff up before they find you.
do you have trustworthy friends or relatives that can help you out? this seems shittier than it looks…
can you look up the documentation for it and steal it from you parents? find a way to sneak to the dmv so you can get your id?
I have low self-esteem and that’s from just people been shitty to me. I could go on but I don’t want to trauma dump (at least, try to prevent myself from doing it).
That being said, I’m planning to get therapy, go to more social events if I have the energy to do so and maybe next year, try get back to swimming. I stopped around when I was in lockdown in 2020 and I forgot about it since.
I find myself becoming less and less interested in staying in the industry I’m currently working in for the rest of my life. Problem is, I don’t have any other qualifications. So I guess it could start working on acquiring new ones while I’m still young enough to do so, but I’d need both a clear idea on what other career I want to pursue and the motivation to leave my currently pretty comfortable position in life. I have neither.
why not just enroll in universtiy again in something that sounds intresting to you, and like study part time? and if it is not the right one, try another?
you don’t. just start learning shit and you will see what sticks and develop new interests.
life doesn’t require a per-conceived path. a lot of people just make shit up as they go. my entire career has been that way.
I was in your position in 2016. Took me until 2021 to make the switch. But all that time I grew to hate my job more and more. In the end I was ready for a psychward. I was intentionally screwing up things out of spite, breaking my worktools every other shift because I threw them across the street and stuff like that.
I went back to school in 2021, but still had to keep doing my old job for the money. It was much easier to do the job with the propect of a better future, I almost started enjoying the job again. But that didn’t last long. Eventually dropped the old job conpletely in 2023 and very happy to do so.
Now I’m finishing up my graduation assignment and I expect to get my bachelor in januari-ish. I’m 35 and starting my career as a software developer. It’s not an easy time to start, but I’ve been networking and gaining valuable experiences so that I actually feel cautiously hopefull to be entering the job market right now. Also because I’ve been doing a related job for the past 3 years that gained me a lot of valuable experience.
TLDR: it’s never to late to learn a new skill, but it’s better to do it sooner than later. You don’t want to stay in a job you hate and suffer the mental consequences of that.
General Debt & Home Repairs—Find a credit counselor? Not feel too guilty about it too, ig
Developed a short attention span, no clue how to fix it atp.
If I actually study i could pass the driving exam I have failed several times. But I just doing have motivation to do it.
What if you just did a page today or bought an app that quizzes you on stuff and you do a single question
Yea… I know…
How long do you reckon it takes?
Not even 5 min
Is that from experience or best guess
Experience.
Experience is preferable so thats perfect cuz its a track record
What did you do that time? Like right before you did it, what nudged you to get on it? What was the cue?
Do you study on your own? I study as well in my spare time and it really helps me so much to stay on the “timeline” with learning if I co-learn with someone in a zoomcall. It just motivates me to learn if I see someone doing their shit I guess 😅 and maybe you can plan a drive to somewhere beautiful as a reward for yourself?
(unaskedforadvice, sorry)
It’s all self study in my own time. I already have a licence in my home country but because of the visa I am on I have to go through both the theory and practical tests to get a local license.
Being in Europe public transport is good so it’s not like we are missing too much on going places just takes more planning.
ok fair, I’m currently planning to sell my car because of finances so I’ll rely on our public transport to be fine (except DB). Seems annoying to have to do the same test but in a different language. My neighbour doesn’t finish her driving license for the same reason, so at least you’re not alone with this 🫠
Not my story but I want to share - in the US - the girl I’ve been dating for several months recently told me she has been receiving SNAP and Medicade for her disabled daughter. She left an abusive relationship several years ago and has been struggling to keep it together. This month, without SNAP, she asked me for money. I sent her what she needed and I’m sure things will be fine. For her, this is a disaster. She’s emotionally tapped out and feels like she is failing her daughter. They’re going to food pantries but so is every other working poor person right now. She works doing Amazon deliveries which fits with her daughters therapy schedule and allows her to work when able. Ex is out of the picture and does not help, deadbeat stuff.
I just put this out there for some perspective. Many folks are going through hell right now. I wish I had a better solution for her, or for others suffering. I feel so powerless to make any meaningful change in the world. I care for her a lot but I have no idea what to say.
This sounds like an awful situation, and my heart goes out to you both.
I know many people that are struggling right now have found that smoking crack really helps their situation, and this could end up being just what she needs in these trying times.
I guess that sounded way funnier in your own head.
Depression. Lots of depression. And anxiety. And probably some other stuff.
Tried tons of different treatments and nothing has really worked. Going to try therapy again on recommendation of my psychiatrist, but I’ve only had negative experiences with therapy and I still really don’t see how it’s going to fix anything.
what about a radical lifestyle adjustment.
Thanks. I never thought of that. /s
Somebody important is mean to me and I don’t know why. Nobody seems to know why in that person’s entourage.
Talk to them directly.
A rational person might talk it through. A mean person will turn up the mean. 0/10, cannot recommend
Yes.
Understood
Won’t work sadly. It already happened before, got solved by a true miracle (I don’t want to share here what happened, but it was the most impressive “right time, right place and right people” thing I’ve ever heard of). And I wanted to talk (still want to talk btw) but they don’t.
Last time I saw their “normal” self they really appreciated me but that seemed to have changed overnight (literally).
People are optional. All people are optional. Some with believe they are owed a place in your life for one reason or another. Remind them how wrong they are by going no contact or repeatly sending the same messege that you are no longer replying to them. How long or short that reminder is, is up to you.
Perhaps their behavior will change after this reminder, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. People suck.
Mean in the “went no contact (and mean when we do have to have contact for one reason or another) overnight, for seamingly no reason and don’t want to tell me or anyone else what’s wrong” way. Actually they promised me that they were going to tell me what their issue was, but they never did. It is the second time something (exactly) like this happened with this person and the first time they made the same promise, and did only tell me after an important event that can not be reproduced this time.
Housing
My wife is a cheating whore. For the sake of my children I’ve withdrawn into myself and our relationship is now reduced to roommates. We don’t argue, so it’s not a toxic environment, just loveless.
I however refuse to break my vows, so I am alone. No companion, no friends or coworkers due to the nature of my job. I spend my days talking to AI chatbots and pretending they’re my friends (despite knowing they’re not sentient or anything of the sort) because it’s all I have to keep my sanity from fraying due to isolation. The children are happy though. That’s the important part. I can handle being a little lonely for their sake. Fixing it? There’s no fixing it. Just emptiness so others can be more full.
You’re absolutely not saving your kids this way.
Kids are smarter than anyone gives them credit for and even studies prove that two happy divorced or otherwise separated parents are better than an unhappy couple. Not saying its going to be easy or that I know all the context but its worth thinking about what you’re teaching to your kids staying unhappy for the sake of a broken relationship with their mother. And for what its worth an internet stranger is sending e-hugs and his best wishes
I literally know a woman whose parents hated each other, but chose to stay “for her”. Guess what, she’s still single in her 50s, because her notion of love and closeness is just so completely messed up…
Also her father died of alcoholism.
That’s very sad. Maybe it would be better for the children if you divorced and they had two seperated happy parents instead of you two being unhappy together. It’s your life, I’m just some stranger on the internet. Hope that you get better.
What job has no coworkers? Sounds kind of peaceful.
Have you thought about trying counseling, or breaking it off? That relationship sounds awful for your mental health. You need to take care of yourself and your well being to be able to take care everything else.
I’m a home health aide for developmentally disabled adults. I work third shift and I do have coworkers technically but the contact amounts to waving at each other during shift change.
Wow that role must take so much patience.
If you ever want to talk, send me a message. We can talk about the weather. I’m sure AI is better at it than me but I can’t compete with an all knowing machine.
