I have given up trying to find a girlfriend. Even though, I am outgoing, have hobbies (I dance, which is actually filled with women), go to parties, talk to plenty of women. But I keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “I am just not so into skinny guys.”
I think this is fair from the woman’s perspective. I for one am only motivated to date attractive women. So, them not wanting to settle for less actually makes very good sense to me. There is absolutely no hate or bitterness regarding that. Fuck all that: ‘all women are whores’-noise.
That being said, I think I should just consider myself celibate by virtue of my own standards. But now bitterness is starting to take hold of me. Bitterness about my life and to me as a person. As I said I am very outgoing and don’t want to become the cynical asshole around my friends.
So how do I stop this?
Edit: I go to the gym on a regular basis.
I sympathize, sorry that you’re feeling this way. It sucks to not have someone to be with. I don’t know if it’ll help much, but I thought I’d share my story too.
I’m 2 years out of an 8 year relationship. I think I’m damaged to say the least, but I was damaged even before then. I struggle to connect with people, and breaking the physical barrier is also really difficult for me. I wish I was better at it, but I’m just kind of an awkward dude. I can be a bit uncomfortable in my own skin sometimes.
I met a girl recently and I thought things were going really well. We had lots of common interests, and the raport between us was really great. I was genuinely excited to get to know her as a person, and to be spending time with someone again. I was hopeful, and happy. It was nice to think that I might have someone I could actually share with again. I don’t want to wallow in self-pity or anything, but I’m in my 30’s and I’d be lying if I said the general disconnect I usually feel hasn’t affected me on some deep level.
We were hanging out one day and things were going well up until I attempted to kiss her. It’s such a dumb thing to blunder, but my bad timing, awkward word choices, and even my incorrect physical positioning caused me to rush things and not really give the moment a chance to unfold organically. I don’t know why I get like this, it’s very ammature and probably the quality I dislike the most about myself. I think maybe I’m just scared to fully allow myself to be vulnerable to people. I don’t really think I’m a bad kisser in general, I’m actually great at other physical/intimate things, but I just kind of messed this one up a bit. I allowed myself to be overly nervous/anxious, and I just wasn’t at my best. Mistakes happen sometimes. That was all it took though. She went from being pretty engaged with me to generally disinterested just like that. It sucks because It made me feel like her entire decision was based on this one failed interaction. I don’t want to sound stuck up or something, but I think I deserve better than that.
I found out there were other factors too though. She was already interested in someone else at the time she was hanging out with me. It feels kind of pathetic to admit it, but I think I just got outcompeted. I know that I should give myself some allowance for the fact that there was nothing that I could do about that aspect, she’s entitled to her choices, but she wasn’t very forthright with me either. She led me on, and stood me up on plans to hang out. That was really selfish behavior on her part.
I know that girls do this sometimes for fear of hurting guy’s feelings, but just don’t. Be honest, and transparent with us, it’s easier for everyone in the long run. I think I deserved a better chance than what she gave me, and if she was that superficial already then she probably wasn’t right for me anyway. It sucks, but that’s where I’m at with it right now. I’m not hateful towards her or anything like that, just disappointed really.
I don’t know really where I’m going with all this, but just suffice it to say that understanding and learning from relationships is difficult sometimes. I think I’d just say to try not to give up if you can help it, but if you feel like you need to go into self-preservation mode then that’s ok too.
Best regards tall skinny internet stranger.