You could really ask this question of anyone about anything. There will always be substantial differences between one person’s life and another. Having had children doesn’t necessarily denote that difference, even less so for men as some fathers don’t stick around and instead go live their own lives seemingly uninterrupted.
But think of how many things people sink great amounts of time and effort into; gambling, becoming a practicing doctor, hedge fund trading, starting a charity, programming… Those people will probably all have large amounts of time devoted to those things.
Of course there’ll be many things that don’t compare, and some that do… Then you must also factor in that it’s a trauma for some people. Some people end up not liking their children, kicking them out, disconnecting.
Human nature is hugely variable. What’s it like being a good person? What’s it like being rich? What’s it like being homeless and a drug addict? What’s ut like being happy? What’s it like in prison? What’s it like as mayor? Or psychiatrist? Or teacher?
What’s it like not like doing any of the things mentioned here? Well, that question, your post, is really about you, isn’t it? It’s about you asking others “what would my life be if I didn’t, or don’t have kids?”
So, why are you asking?
lol
Because it’s not a bad thing to ask another person about their experiences in life. And putting it within the context of a particular life choice adds a layer of focus to the conversation.
Given your logic, no one should ever ask anyone else any question about their personal experiences other than to retrieve information.
putting it within the context of a particular life choice adds a layer of focus to the conversation.
It won’t create a very interesting debate though, because OP already excluded most people who followed through on the opposing view in the question itself.
This extra layer of focus really functions as a filter, which can only result in a hall of mirrors.
It’s perfectly fine if OP just wanted to confirm an existing bias and need arguments for that, but it’s absolutely not a very interesting conversation.
Shout out to !childfree@lemmy.world
Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.
It seems like in almost every thread, there are at least one or two cranky individuals that just downvote for the hell of it.
Downvotes on lemmy are pure spam. Good instances block them.
I regularly down vote things. I up vote a lot more than that, though. I’m sure the ratio is at least 3:1 or higher for up to down.
Are my down votes spam?
Yes in my opinion which is why they’re turned off on the instance I use.
Didn’t downvote you but it’s probably bc Reddit’s original childfree subreddit is a special kind of toxic hellhole; even for Reddit… which is saying something.
This one is relatively as well.
Most of Reddit was a toxic hellhole. It’s why I’m not on Reddit anymore.
Your link doesn’t link to the community on my instance, it links to the original instance, so that’s a bit annoying. Maybe that’s why?
I believe the way that link style works is that it does that only if your instance does not have it locally. Here on the fediverse we need one person to subscribe before it will show up on your local instance correctly
It doesn’t appear that that’s the case, because people on my instance have subscribed to the comm in question and the link still didn’t work. When I formatted the link correctly, it worked. Unless there’s an interoperability bug between Lemmy and Mbin, which is certainly possible.
Ah I’d guess that, I’m pretty sure Lemmy devs made that !community@instance.tld syntax
It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.
Elementary school
Middle school
High school
College
Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job
All the stuff during the summer
Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds
Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.
I sort of see the appeal of having kids, but I can barely keep things together for myself. There’s no way I can support myself and kids. Even with my boyfriends income and mine, it’s just not realistic.
This is the key behind the fertility crisis of first world countries. SHITS TOO EXPENSIVE. A house is 10 years worth of income, college like 3 years worth, a car (which needs to be replaced every 5-10 years) around a years worth, plus food, bills, taxes and all of this other shit makes it impossible.
Yearly childcare is a years worth of income in plenty of places, so there’s that too.
Mid-40s: it feels fine. It both complicates and un-complicates various things for later in life, but that’s life.
I do like kids, but never wanted my own (at least biologically; I never fully ruled out adoption). We have nieces and nephews we can spoil instead of our own, heh.
Being an uncle is great. You get all the fun of kids, and can give the bloody things back when they start screaming and shitting everywhere.
Mixed, but mostly okay.
Pros: The world is massively overpopulated already. Our genes aren’t particularly noteworthy. I’m not very optimistic about the future. People’s happiness generally seems a lot less than it was when I was younger and I don’t see that changing.
Cons: Not being able to pass anything on - my knowledge and experience, ironically much of which was gained through having time that would have been unavailable if I had had kids. As we both get older, our own care is concerning. Doing physical things around our smallholding is getting harder and a pair of young hands would be nice.
I don’t begrudge other people having kids. We tried once but lost it and that kind of took the excitement out of it for us. Before we knew it, it was too late anyway.
Not being able to pass anything on - my knowledge and experience
I know this may sound like satire but you can write a blog and share your knowledge and experiences. It may seem weird at first, but it’s an actual option, and people could organically come across your blog, especially if you use the right keywords that they’re looking for.
Thanks, that’s some good thoughts. I do already do that, contribute to FOSS, write fiction and I’ve taught some stuff to younger folk at work so it’s not entirely wasted. If I can achive net zero on whatever cosmic scoreboard is in place, I figure that’s okay.
Sounds like you’re doing well then. I do the same with contributing to FOSS (and I maintain a couple FOSS projects) and I teach younger devs at work, and have a blog (technically two), so I’m in the same boat.
You could look into some kind of work experience program or even troubled youth programs operating in your area that might be able to make use of your knowledge and your property?
We don’t need kids to pass on what we know to the young :)
Honestly? Kinda lonely. I’ll be 40 in a few months. I’m a woman, if the perspective matters .
I was engaged to the man I thought I’d marry and have kids with, but it didn’t turn out to be the case, and although I learned how to choose better and what to look out for, I also wonder if I’m ever going to get to have a family of my own. It’s been 6 years now since that fell apart, and I had to do a lot in that time to get back onto my feet, but the few relationships I’ve had since then are fleeting. Men seem afraid of commitment now, and it’s hard not to completely fall to the idea that I’m just too old, which is what society is consistently screaming at me.
I don’t feel old.
I am tired of searching though. At some point I will get to where I’m too old and that makes me sad to think about.
At some point we’re too old to have biological children, yes, but my 72 year old father has been in a new relationship for about a year and they seem super happy together.
(Edited for clarity.)
40 isn’t too old for kids. Plenty of people have kids at that age and they’re doing just fine.
It’s just more difficult when you’re older.
Yes, that’s true, but at that age you’re financially more stable and have more patience than a 20y. We had our kids at about 30 and I think that’s probably the best age for it.
Yeah I had my kids at 30 also. Definitely agree
Feels like the best decision I ever made.
Turn 40 in about a month and let me tell you, it’s dope AF. I’ve got more friends than I know what to do with, having way more fun than in my 20s and I’m not tied down to raising a kid. I go to cons and adventures all the time that I couldn’t do nor afford if I had kids. Having kids always grossed me out. I’ve got friends with kids that I can corrupt as needed.
deleted by creator
I’m not good around kids, so I made a decision to be without children pretty early on. So, to answer your question, I guess it feels… normal? It’s hard to describe in more detail, because I don’t have a reference to compare it to.
That said, I’ve seen what kind of struggles - emotional, financial or otherwise - my kid-having friends and family have been going through and I would be a liar if I said I never thought “I’m glad I don’t have to go through this shit” more than on one occasion.
I’m glad I don’t have to go through this shit
I’ve thought that so many times seeing people’s children around me.
Fine. Sometimes sad. I dated someone with a kid for a while and the good parts were good. But now I’m old so it’s kind of moot.
Married, happy, and doing financially ok (house paid off but no real savings). Life would have been a lot harder with kids.
No ragrets.
no rugrats
It’s awesome. Sure, I have moments in life that suck regardless, but in those moments I always think to myself “Wow, this would be even worse if I had kids.”
In my mid 30’s. Find myself thinking the same. Also when I’m feeling great it’s “there’s no way i could be enjoying this if i had to worry about kids”
[I’m] in my mid-30s*
Shit that’s how you grammar!?
Syntax, not grammar
Ok. I’m still going to omit it in the future.
Omitting is fine… just a bit ambiguous. It’s the apostrophe misuse that matters :)
Yup, exactly. It just seems like there’s no time to relax when you have kids, you always have to be “on”.
I used to take a bus home from work, and a woman that lived in my apartment took the same bus, so we always ended up walking into the building together. I’ll never forget that EVERY time when she opened her apartment door, you could hear two little kids yell “MOMMY!” the second that door was opened. Maybe some people love that, but to me it always filled me with a sense of dread and exhaustion. Here was this woman who just spent a full day at work and now she has to come home and essentially start her second job of being with her kids, who of course want all her attention. I felt horrible for her, and it wasn’t like she was skipping home all happy to see them, either.
Some people like it, which I’m happy for, they’re the ones who should have children. But it’s not for everyone and it shouldn’t be stigmatized. I will happily pay taxes to fund kinder care and school. I see the value in society for kids. Just not in my own home.
