I’ll go first: “You have to have children when you’re young,” told to me when I was in my late 20s, with no desire to ever have kids, and no means to support them, by someone divorced multiple times with at least one adult child who does not speak to them.
Also: Responding to “How do I deal with this problem?” questions with “Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s enough that you’re even thinking about it!”
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Don’t ever quit.
Screw that. Quitting is healthy, quitting is good. Nothing worse than digging yourself deeper and deeper based on sunk cost fallacy.
“Don’t be a quitter” is like saying “Fuck your boundaries. Stay in toxic situations no matter how bad they get.”
Absolutely! Strategic quitting is an option that people don’t use enough. Definitely improved my quality of life!
They told me to not quit. So I’m still a crack addict.
as everything this has contexts in which is valuable and contests in which it’s not
don’t quit because you’re demoralised. don’t quit because you’re tired. don’t quit because it’s hard.
if your first natural response to adversities is flying instead of fighting, it’s telling you to fight, because you are likely the only person losing when flying.
it’s not about never change your mind. never critically think what’s the situation and if it’s still worth it.
or check up with yourself and see if that’s still what you want.
after all leaving a situation you don’t want anymore, it’s not quitting, it’s moving on
it seems just semantics, it’s about knowing yourself and being honest with yourself.
nothing is black or white
“There are people worse off than you”
Thanks, that totally solves my problem.
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My counter is always, “and there are people better off than you, so stop being happy.”
“Just be happy” to a depressed person
Oh wow, jeez, thanks, why didn’t I think of that earlier!
Ah yes, the good ol’ “Just get over it” technique that is supposed to work for any mental health condition.
Similar to this: telling someone with ADHD “stop letting yourself get distracted”
Or to someone with anxiety:
“Just don’t be anxious!”
🫠…
“But it’s not actually scary!”
Yes, I know, that’s why it’s a disorder and not just being a reasonable person who’s afraid of frightening things!
My dad threw a party to celebrate when I graduated university with a degree in Computer Science.
At the party, my dad’s friend took me aside and said “My nephew just got a degree in electrical engineering. Now that’s an up and coming field, you should get a degree in that.”
Like, alright buddy. Hopefully that career pays well enough for another four years of student debt. I’m still kinda in shock at how dumb of a thing to say that was.
Ah yes the brand new exciting world of electricity. Rumor on the street is they’ve got this fancy new device called a tellyfone that uses this electricity. You can talk to anyone in the world!
I was a new dog owner, went to /r/Dogs to ask about a particular behavior my dog was exhibiting I’d never seen or read about before (turned out to be normal tho) and every reply I got basically told me I don’t know how to care for an animal and that I should give him to someone else.
It was then I realized that it wasn’t just /r/RelationshipAdvice that was full of bitter, jealous losers whose advice is always “dump them.” It applied to literally every single subreddit dedicated to advice. They may have started with good intentions and knowledgeable people, but over time filled up with people who had no business giving anyone advice.
Oh yeah even lifeprotips, if you go in the comments it’s just full of people grasping at straws to find the tip useless and upvoting each other’s cynicism
There was one: “If you want a fridge’s compressor to turn on and off less frequently (ie: if you sleep in the same room), fill it with water bottles to increase thermal mass” and the top comments were “Actual life pro tio: get an apartment with 2 rooms???”
I was like: are these people actually that slow?
The less there is to say about an advice, the less reasons you have to go write a comment. Therefore the people in the comments are often outliers
Me: having a hard time mentally and emotionally Someone: “You need to pray to God to make your troubles go away.”
Am I supposed to upvote this because it’s awful advice or downvote it because it’s depressing advice?
It seems like this person either had success with their advice or had nothing to say, but felt the need to say something.
My favorite advice for clinical depression is “just snap out of it.”
“Nothing happens in god’s world by mistake.” “God never gives you more than you can handle.” Etc etc.
When 1 in 6 women has been sexually assaulted in their lives (and many men and NB folks), that’s a really fucked up thing to say. You never know what someone’s been through, and I’ve personally been through a lot of awful things. I guess it helps some people to tell themselves this kind of shit, but it is impossible to me to think of any kind of meaning that would make being a victim of violent crime “positive” or “worth it” or “a learning experience” blah blah blah. I think the term for that is “toxic positivity.”
So either “everything happens for a reason” is utter bullshit, or god is a sadistic fucking asshole.
Someone told me that if I wanted to be a history teacher I should get a degree in special Ed to “make myself more marketable.” It took 14 years to get out of special education and land a job teaching history
14 years is a long time. Hope you’re having a better time now.
Teaching as a profession sucks ass in general right now… but at least a lot of the special educator-specific bullshit is not my problem anymore. But thank you.
Coincidentally, I know someone who recently applied for a regular teacher’s assistant role and when they got to the interview the hiring director didn’t even ask questions about that position; instead they interviewed for a special ed job and then only offered that. It was a total bait & switch to try and fill a role nobody was applying for.
That since I was pregnant it was time to let my career go.
My career is critical to my family’s ability to live a middle class life (and it’s critical to my sanity and happiness, but the person who gave me this “advice“ wasn’t really one for acknowledging or valuing mental health).
What is the most unhelpful advice you have received?
- "They’re your family so you have to maintain a relationship with them’
- “man up”
- attend church
“You just have to work through the pain.” I’ve injured myself multiple times in the past exercising by following this idiotic advice.
It’s one thing to push through discomfort, that’s how your body gets stronger. But If you’re in actual pain, stop and listen to the alarm bells your body is giving you.
“sleep when the baby sleeps”
Yeah because there’s absolutely nothing that needs to be done once I finally get my daughter down. No washing and sterilising, for prep for us or for her, general chores around the house which you can never do effectively one handed. And fuck me if I wanted to try and relax and have an actual evening after they’re down too.
“Sleeping like a baby” had also never seemed like such a juxtaposition!
Also, like, adult humans don’t do so good if they only get to sleep for an hour or two at a time. I don’t have kids but I have a puppy and my mental health improved 10x when he stopped waking up every night because he needed to pee. Just going from two 4-hour blocks of sleep to one 8-hour block.
Then he hit puppy adolescence and had a massive sleep regression and I was getting an hour or two of sleep at a time between SCREAMING PUPPY INTERLUDES and promptly lost my fucking mind. I gave up on crating him because I needed the sleep.
Here’s some more unhelpful advice: Hang in there, it gets easier! (for real though)
The usual acne related ones, like washing my face more or using tooth paste on my spots. Turns out clearasil won’t fix your hormones.
Use olive oil instead of sun screen because it works better than SPF and isn’t full of chemicals.
When taking a taxi on a short stop over in Dubai, the taxi driver told me not to have blue hair (which I had) or no man will ever want me, while my then boyfriend was also sitting in the taxi, masquerading as my husband (we were wearing rings and just letting people assume we were married, which everyone did. Including the taxi driver!)
Work related: don’t make my code too “complicated” or my one coworker can’t understand it (read: my coworker doesn’t know what async means, and instead of him learning, I’m just not ever meant to do anything async… When processing huge amounts of data… Also, error handling is too hard, don’t do that either) yes, I will forever be salty about this. He deleted weeks worth of work while I had covid because he didn’t even try to understand it - his reasoning being “it doesn’t work anyway, so there’s no point in understanding or learning what I’m doing”
When I used to make notes because I don’t retain information instantly my boss said “Just don’t forget” I exclaimed: “Thanks, I’m cured!” The office got a laugh but it still bothers me that he thought it was a choice
For me it’s the opposite, at school I was forced to take notes. Teacher would give me bad grades if they saw me not talking notes. But notes are completely useless for me, and if I take notes I don’t understand the lecture. So I started the habit to sketch on notebooks pretending to take notes. Schools can be pretty stupid
My mother once told us to get “a male realtor; the woman realtors don’t care as much because they’re just doing it as a hobby - the men are doing it as their full time job.”
She’s a real gem.
“Everything happens for a reason”
- technically correct, completely unhelpful.
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”
- Fuck. Off.
