I’m pretty sure that the fox in fox news actually comes from a mispronunciation of the word faux. Faux news.

American Jesus

(noun)

pronounced Jee-bus

I was about to say golf courses, but then I realized that people actually use golf courses to play golf, which is more then the average lawn is used for.

“The bomb partially detonated, resulting in some minor fire damage”

Apparently he isn’t very good at being a terrorist. It didn’t even manage to knock down the door and I can’t even see any damage in the picture.

I petted an opossum once, it was playing dead therefore safe to touch.

nshitia

Not sure if this counts, but on my install of nobara whenever I hover over an icon in the home bar it relocates to the bottom left corner of the screen, leaving an empty space. I can still interact with apps by clicking on the empty space where the icon used to be so it doesn’t brick my home bar, it’s just really annoying.

If your hot-dog tastes

Like a piece of wood

Who’re you gonna call?

GHOST MUSTARD!

Art of the meal

Um acktsually you could manipulate the keyboard with a low-powered pellet gun

My parents pay like 40 dollars per month for 1Mb down and like .2 Mb up

One second, let me try to recreate Ron “I lost a presidential bid to an orangutan” Desantis’s thought process:

Inhale

WE HAVE TO BAN FAKE MEAT BECAUSE ITS MADE BY LIBERAL WOKE COMMUNIST SCIENTISTS THAT WILL LACE IT WITH TRANSGENDERISM AND TURN OUR KIDS GAY OUR REAL AMERICAN KIDS SHOULD ONLY EAT REAL AMERICAN MEAT

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go disinfect my mouth

Republicans try to increase birth rates, but end up blocking IVF instead:

“It hurt itself in its confusion stupidity!”

I can absolutely see someone with androgen insensitivity syndrome (female with XY chromosomes) getting thrown in jail for this.

RED: SHADOW MAGGOTS!

zero tolerance intelligence policy

Its a LG Rebel LTE

There isn’t a version of LineageOS available for my phone : (

By that logic, they should ban water pipes to stop people from making water pipe shotguns