flicker

My cat has like ten games that all involve hiding somewhere in the house he knows I will walk past, and ambushing me and biting me. And then running away.

He is not understimulated. He requires a minimum of 30 minutes of uninterrupted fetch a day, and frequently gets hours of it. He’s just an asshole. A hilarious asshole.

I have yet to put a hat on him but if I did he would absolutely deserve it. It would probably be a sombrero with the word “dickhead” written on it.

That’s why I’ll randomly put double sided tape on surfaces.

Warren isn’t bought by them.

I made a dhampir in pathfinder based on several truths about me and one of them was that I abhor direct sunlight.

Ah. The Superman loophole.

You’re cuter than Tom Cruise.

Same episode that gave us the amazing, “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

Being bi is literally the best of both worlds. It’s the sexual equivalent of being born wealthy.

The coastal mathematicians are just into math to screw you and take your money. The geniuses at πzo really captured the spirit of the math.

(I had to go a long way to get to πzo but I’m glad ai got there.)

Terrible news. Looking permanently moist has been the hot makeup trend for a while now.

My cat loves to answer my questions with a gentle bite on the leg or knee or calf. But in his defense, he only does that if the questions happen while he’s sleeping or doing a social roll.

If he’s awake, my conversation is answered with SCREAM.

This is 100% my suspicion. Mushrooms have never made me even think about my genitals.

I work at a grocery store now and what you say is still true.

Items are only thrown out if they’ve been removed from the store before returning.

I need to add here (because I always do on the off-chance that it might help someone) that you can have too low of blood sugar depending on your specific genetics. I had an a1c of 3.8 when I was doing keto. I had basically had nondiabetic hypoglycemia for so long I was no longer showing symptoms. Please see a doctor if you do anything too dramatic, diet-wise.

I am not storing my info anywhere for any reason.

Binders full of women, you say?

I dunno if you could say that shareholders incentivized the sexual misconduct.

Huh. I have my own sayings for both of those scenarios. "The best way to be interesting is to be interested."

I should read this book.

…but I am already in my pajamas.

I’ve never seen it before now, and I loved it. (If you’re reading this and haven’t seen it, go watch it, because the one thing someone else mentioned in a comment would’ve been funny if I wasn’t expecting it.)

The end of the bit was what really did it for me.