Have you played the second one? I begged my parents for weeks to rent it. Then I got it and… I can’t even describe it. At one point there’s a platformer puzzle room based on the Three Bears. I played it for a whole weekend because I couldn’t believe how awful it was.

maybe this will work

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linting and unit tests

Also, apparently the party of “humans can affect climate”.

Yeah, the goddamn wooden spoon. I remember being noisy in a crib and my mom storming into the room screaming and busting the spoon in half on the side of the crib. She’d already hit me with it so I knew exactly what it meant. I got spoons, open hand, and hairbrushes for most of my childhood. Hair pulling, pinching, and ear-twisting too if we were in a situation where she couldn’t just haul off and hit me.

The funny thing is, she called me up about a decade ago and asked if I could remember anything about my childhood that was bad. And rather than list everything off, I told her about the time she broke the spoon on the crib. That’s when I found out that it hadn’t happened at all, and in fact if it had happened it was because the spoon was old and brittle and if she’d done anything at all it would have been a light tap on the side of the crib to get my attention, and now that she remembers it yeah that’s exactly what happened. It just fell apart in her hands. We didn’t talk for a few years because of that and other things.

After my daughter was born, she sent us a package that included two beautiful olivewood spoons from Israel. I use the fuckers when I’m making pasta. She calls or texts every once in a while warning me about protecting my daughter dark, evil things in the world. This usually happens when she sees a picture of my kid playing with a toy spider or a halloween skull. And I just chuckle and agree that there are dark, evil things in the world and I’m doing my damndest to protect her from them.

Lawyers all dragging screenshots of excitebike into court and counting the wheels.

This dovetails nicely with my theory that Jesus hasn’t come back yet because we invented the nailgun.

This is possible if you use a TimeCube, but I get the feeling you’re already familiar.

Not the flex he thinks it is.

A thing that hallucinates uncompilable code but somehow convinces your boss it’s a necessary tool.

If they can’t text me I don’t want to deal with them.

My cousin rented Megaman 2 and I spent at least an hour in awe of the fact that he could get hit more than twice because he had an energy bar. Then he switched weapons and threw a saw blade and I had to go sit down and think about it for a while.

Yeah, I bought one in my 20s.

Pretty sure Jesus was a stoner and party monster. He was always getting invited to rich guys’ houses for dinner and the Pharisees always accused him of being drunk when he argued with them. His favorite woman was a lady of negotiable affection. Plus, only a stoner could come up with “yeah but, you’ve got a whole log in your eye, maaaan.”

Why they gotta do Marika dirty like that?

Holy cow I thought I was the only person that played that. Excellent game.

In a similar vein, Ghost Master. Some of the levels are fiddly but it’s a ton of fun.

And he gets all icky when he sees blood.

J. D. Vance sounds like a men’s big & tall outlet with weird font on their sign.

I always forget about that. Also we call anoraks “windbreakers”, which…

Sometimes my mom calls a fanny pack a strap-on. This is like that.

Ugh.