goons, I know you mean well and radical empathy is a thing, but no one makes the choice of stonewall or going NC without trying everything possible first. And I mean everything, including eating decades of shit.
Hmm I feel like I haven’t exhausted all of my options yet though. I shall try with the nature videos and hopefully that will do something. I just wish she was open to seeing a counsellor or something. She never got counselling or had someone to talk to about her divorce after it happened.
I know this situation well. She will not go to a counsellor, because she believes she is right and you and other non believers are wrong and influenced by evil. Put yourself in those shoes - would you listen to someone telling you to go to a counsellor to turn you against your righteous religion? (Rational person would not, but once beliefs get to this stage rationality has left the building). You will not change her mind. She will always view you with disdain. You have to accept this if you want to continue contact. Try to stay away from religious topics, but when inevitably she raises it you will need to brush it off and pretend she didn’t say hurtful things. This might be acceptable to you for the sake of maintaining a relationship. If it’s not, then the other option is to break contact. I know people mean well when saying try to empathise, but I have been in this situation and there is no solution that I know of. They will only come back if they decide it for themselves first. And very sadly, family is usually not enough of a motivator. The religious grip can be that strong.
this isn’t radical empathy, it’s knowledge and expertise gained from decades of study and interacting with close family members who were in a very destructive religious cult, think scientology
the point is to not use words or ideas that set them off
Spud wrote it out very well, I’m just going the one further step. You can get them to change their mind, you have to talk about other things.
she sounds lonely and in need of guidance from someone as intelligent and kind as you
maybe you can share non political yts with her, like nature yts or something . Don’t react to her provocations.
goons, I know you mean well and radical empathy is a thing, but no one makes the choice of stonewall or going NC without trying everything possible first. And I mean everything, including eating decades of shit.
Lol I feel this. Took me too long to go no contact with mum haha kids don’t do it lightly and without much shame, guilt, and fear.
And I have empathy for my mum too, her life sucked so hard. But sometimes it’s the only way to get healthy, to cut out the people that hurt us.
Hmm I feel like I haven’t exhausted all of my options yet though. I shall try with the nature videos and hopefully that will do something. I just wish she was open to seeing a counsellor or something. She never got counselling or had someone to talk to about her divorce after it happened.
I know this situation well. She will not go to a counsellor, because she believes she is right and you and other non believers are wrong and influenced by evil. Put yourself in those shoes - would you listen to someone telling you to go to a counsellor to turn you against your righteous religion? (Rational person would not, but once beliefs get to this stage rationality has left the building). You will not change her mind. She will always view you with disdain. You have to accept this if you want to continue contact. Try to stay away from religious topics, but when inevitably she raises it you will need to brush it off and pretend she didn’t say hurtful things. This might be acceptable to you for the sake of maintaining a relationship. If it’s not, then the other option is to break contact. I know people mean well when saying try to empathise, but I have been in this situation and there is no solution that I know of. They will only come back if they decide it for themselves first. And very sadly, family is usually not enough of a motivator. The religious grip can be that strong.
Thank you for this
this isn’t radical empathy, it’s knowledge and expertise gained from decades of study and interacting with close family members who were in a very destructive religious cult, think scientology
the point is to not use words or ideas that set them off
Spud wrote it out very well, I’m just going the one further step. You can get them to change their mind, you have to talk about other things.
Thanks for the suggestion Seagoon :) I sent her some time lapses of plants growing. Hopefully she will like them.
so many hugs, it can be very sad to see this happen to family, it’s like they have changed and become lost and relationships become very difficult