Some background - I am diagnosed with autism and it can be hard for me to just “ignore” the awful things people can say to me when I’m online.
The latest thing someone said to me really got me feeling down and depressed. Honestly having darker thoughts because of it.
I have IBS-D, which means there is an insane amount of food I cannot eat - if I do eat the things I cannot, my intestines get shredded and I bleed like crazy. Honestly the list is massive and my diet has basically been chicken green beans and potatoes every night for the past 3 years. I have lost over 60 lbs, and currently weigh 130lbs as a 5.11 male. Doctors have been trying to figure it out but they haven’t been able to and say I may just have to live with it.
This person was calling me a monster because I eat meat, even though I have a medical condition that makes my diet extremely limited. Unfortunately meat is one of the only things that agrees with my stomach across the board. I’d like to be vegetarian but I literally will die from malnutrition and weight loss if I did try. I explained this to the user but they didn’t care.
I explained my autism to them, and that what they were saying was making me depressed and they just continued with saying how I was a monster and killing myself wouldn’t be as bad as killing all the animals I have to “enjoy” meat. They said my condition wasn’t an excuse and compared me to the “sexual cycle of violence” of dracula.
This user made me feel really sad and crappy. Afterwards I cried for a while but I don’t feel better.
The problem I have is that there are many people online who seem to get pleasure from being awful to others, and it gets to me every time.
Does anyone have any advice for handling these situations online? Often I hear people say you should just ignore these people and move on, but I end up ruminating on what they’ve said and it can make me feel bad for weeks on end. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up using the internet because of these people.
I wish this was limited to just people on the internet…The one I always have trouble with is when I go to a restaurant and the server asks if my dietary restrictions are for an allergy or preference. My brain always ends up freezing because neither answer is really true. It’s not an allergy, I’m not going to die if I eat the foods (just feel really awful for multiple days), and it is certainly not a preference (food is awesome!). I feel like no matter which way I respond I’d be lying to the person, and my brain struggles with that and I just end up staring up at the person in confusion.
From discussing it with other people, I think a lot of the fad diets over the years have made it harder for people to realize that there are non-allergy reasons for your doctor to tell you you can’t eat things. People just assume that you are doing it on purpose, to lose weight, to fit in, etc. Because the default is Insert Fad Diet Here, people think we are stubborn and feel it is ok to make us feel bad about it. It’s not right either way, more power to someone who can willing give up all the foods I gave up kicking and screaming but still.
From an external perspective, I think it is about explaining the WHY to people. That way it expands their internal list of reasons, and they might go into their next encounter with more thoughtfulness. With that said, some people are who they are. You can ignore them or you can avoid them, but definitely don’t let them get you down. As you said, you tried that in this case and the person didn’t listen.
Which brings me to the internal perspective, you CAN eat chicken, green beans, and potatoes. Instead of focusing on all the things you can’t eat, celebrate the things you can eat. There are a million and a half ways you can cook a potato. Chicken? Just about every cuisine has a solid chicken recipe, and its good any way you cook it (grilled, baked, poached, slow cooker).
It is like playing a video game on a different difficulty setting, the rules don’t end up being quite the same. What is fine for someone on Easy, doesn’t work for you on Hard mode. Your body tells you to eat chicken? Eat chicken. Feel the desire to give back to the planet? There are lots of options, you don’t have to pick the same one as others. What can you do instead? Can you volunteer at an animal shelter, can you compost?
Next time, try “what difference does it make?” or if you don’t want to be confrontational, “It’s medically necessary.”
You shouldn’t have to feel anxious just for getting a meal.
In case you and others want the answer to that: If it’s an allergy the restaurant will (or has to, depending on the jurisdiction) use separate pots, knives, pans, etc. for your meal to avoid cross contamination.
If it’s just a preference they don’t need to do that, because you won’t die if any small pieces of the things you don’t like end up in your food.