Food and water, and a plush bunny. Somehow I feel that they drew the line at the food and water.
I arrived well after the other wise men, sweating through my robes and wishing I’d taken a shorter route. I knelt beside the manger and laid out the lamb’s-wool scarf I’d meant to bring. It was soft, pure, perfect. Except the shearing accident had splattered it with dried blood. Mary stared. Joseph’s eyebrows climbed halfway to heaven.
“It’s prophetic symbolism,” I muttered. “You know… blood of the lamb?”
The silence was so heavy it felt like a fourth gift.
Panicking, I pulled a small winter squash from my pack and set it beside the scarf. “And this. For… later.”
The baby gurgled. I decided to take that as forgiveness.
A pickled cucumber
This little drummer boy who would just NOT stop playing
Baby Oil
My mixtape
Weed
Jacks, and a Lite Brite.
Non fungible tokens
I had some marvelous time share options to offer but after 4 hours the rubes said they’d stick to the manger. Don’t they know time shares practically pay for themselves? Smh
One of those string pull animal sound thingies where the cow goes “moo” and the lamb goes “baa” and Judas goes “he’s over there man”.
A DNA/patternity test…
There’s no reason that the Holy Spirit wouldn’t borrow DNA from a suitable male human. The “special” stuff is magical, spiritual or whatever you might call it, and that doesn’t have to be in the genetic code.
So basically, there’s a good chance that the test would come back as Joseph being the bio-dad, whether he laid with Mary or not.
I’d say the odds would be that the father is not Joseph…
As Christopher Hitchens once said: “Which is more likely — that the whole natural order is to be suspended, or that a jewish minx should tell a lie?"
A copy of the anarchists cookbook.
A bible.
Make sure it’s a Christian bible. All smart people know Jesus was Christian and not one of those other weird religions (like Judaism). /s
That was the idea, but now I think a copy of Dianetics is funnier.
Some weed .
The holy bag man
There were rumours that Frankincense, one of the gifts, has psychotropic properties. Sadly, it was nothing more than a rumour
Weed it is, baby!
Now tell us all about catnip, in German.
