Summary
Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.
Bro is taking too much Ketamine
tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn’t think he’s getting enough attention lately.
At the time, Carlson says, he was asleep in bed with his wife – and four dogs.
I have an alternate theory about those claw marks…
I watched that video, and had he just stuck to being suddenly awake and having claw marks I would have thought there was something odd. But he led with having four dogs in the bed, so when he said he had claw marks…dear lord, he’s either trying too hard to play to some niche audience, or he’s really that stupid. At least make the story sound plausible…we know you can lie, why didn’t you just leave off some details here to sell it better.
Ever since he got kicked off Fox, he’s been making the pivot to the hard right audience, which includes the narrative that they’re in a spiritual war against the literal devil.
It’s the same conspiracy-laden bullshit that Alex Jones pushes.
It’s Jon Stewart’s fault. Tucker never recovered from that jab about the bow tie.
He’s been holding a towel on his rear-end ever since.
And we got Trump cause Obama roasted him so hard he was afraid no one would think he was white anymore.
Maybe ridiculing fascists isn’t the best way to treat them.
And he’s been Orange ever since.
You’re correct, actually.
Yeah, I don’t know when “Trump ran for president because he was so thoroughly emasculated by Obama” and “You can’t shame the shameless out of fascism” became such hot takes.
You can shame them, just not for anything they should feel shamed about. Jabs about very facile facets of their masculinity? shamed. Dragged through the ringer because they are rapists? No shame.
Ridiculing Fascists is the best way to treat them. They’re fragile little snowflakes and can not handle being the butt of the joke. Why do you think aside from journalists and politicians, comedians also get censored or imprisoned first when fascists take over?
So the problem with Trump is that he’s not being ridiculed enough? The orange-skinned, diaper wearing, wispy-pube-haired, tiny hands, mushroom dick, broke-ass billionaire wanna-be, so cheap he won’t even bother to have his suits tailored, neck-gina, “dumbest goddamn student I ever had”, can’t drink water, nuke hurricanes, salutes North Korean generals, paper towel throwing, bleach-drinking, UV light up the asshole, bigliest, yugliest, covfefe bunker bitch will go away if we just make fun of him?
If you think you can stop the fascist by calling him Mango Mussolini or Agolf Shitler more, fucking go for it. Comedians get imprisoned by fascists because they hurt their feelings- but that doesn’t stop fascism, or else they wouldn’t have ended up in prison.
And he never wore a bow tie after that. Lol.
If anything, Tucker needs another sit-down with Jon
I bet it’s deliberate. Like a power play knowing his story is clearly bullshit but the morons he’s appealing to are believing it making him feel even more superior.
The dude used to wear a bow tie, unironically, and in public no less, so…
Bowties are cool.
The bowtie wasn’t the problem.
It’s the person that makes it uncool.
I’d argue that the fact that he stopped wearing the bowties when he was mocked for it says more about him than the bowties do.
It absolutely does. Jon knew it would have to be something low to get under his skin and he was right.
I’ve been rocking a bowtie for a while, and my wife loves it. Maybe it’s that his were clipons.
Is it Tucker Carlson has hell hounds for pets?
Dude, even small dogs can hog some serious space. 4 dogs? I’m surprised there’s any room left for the fucker and his wife. He probably got scratches falling out of bed.
I do too. Paranoid delusions
Even Fido has had enough of his shit
Hopefully Fucker gets rabies
We know his wife didn’t leave them in the throes of passion, that’s for sure
But a mistress that he’s trying to cover up? That’s plausible.
He brought the Bible into it so I’m betting it was a misteress.
A dominatrix is also plausible
No man! It was a succubus!
“I went to bed and woke up next to this unconscious woman… I was in my bed with the wife and dogs at the time, so she must’ve been a demon.”
Yeah, i imagine his wife is pretty vicious.
Occam’s Razor? Naw, it’s gotta be Occam’s Jewish Space Laser.
His boyfriend choked him out too hard? I’m bad at inferences.
Yeah, if I were married to Tucker Carlson I’d be pretty messed up too.
Heyo
Holy shit I did not think the alt right could get any fucking dumber.
How to explain away the signs of rough gay sex to your wife.
I bet this was said to cover for crimes he may have committed as christisn judges will definitely see it as a legit defense. Or he is fucking stupid.
“Wow, that’s terrifying, do you have photos?”
“. . .”
Ah shit that’s unfortunate. Better luck next time, demon.
“I swear, babe! I didn’t cheat! It was a demon!”
I fucking hope so
He should repent.
You’re telling me this is a real story like in a real news source?
JFC
Tucker Carlson and JD Vance had rough normal gay guy sex and he’s getting ahead of any story and saying it was demon assault.
I can also take part in conspiracies
The demon turned him into a couch
Tucker made the mistake of dressing up as a couch for Halloween.
It’s why JD Vance’s pimp handlers slather him in makeup and eyeliner to keep Tucker interested in MAGA. All funded from the top down by Elon Musk who eats babies in a failed and desperate attempt to stay young.
“You don’t belong here Tucker, you have to come back home”
Oh is this it, are we inches from rock bottom? Losing it and or lying more desperately for attention?
