So long as they make the line go up!
For as far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a middle manager
Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball. From Soho, down to Brighton; I must’ve played 'em all!
Turn up the volume on this shitpost please!
What the fuck does that gibberish even mean? I’m so glad I don’t know corpo speak.
I wanted to get important things done and work with others not on my team to get them done.
Corpo speak is always either a word for “thing that needs to be done” or “work with others in some structured way”
minor nitpick that meeting a KPI means you agreed on a goal to be achieved over a certain time period and you achieved it.
It means someone agreed on it, and that you had to hit it.
Boardmember: Okay, so our company is officially out of ideas. Does anyone know how we can keep our cushy, phony-baloney jobs?
Other Boardmember: What if… what if we just copy how other businesses run?
Boardmember: I like it! But let’s gussy it up with lots of jargon, you know? Instead of “copying”, we’ll call it, “following industry best practices!”
Don’t forget your hat
This but unironically
I’ve been looking for a job for the last 8 months. I fucking hate this so much because this is how you need to talk in interviews.
I think a lot about the job I didn’t get last year. Technical interview was trivial. They said I did very well in the system design. But they ultimately went with someone “more cross functional”. What the fuck does that even mean?
I think it’s just code for “dunno we like the other guy’s vibe better”.
“dunno we like the other guy’s vibe better”.
A valid reason to be honest
That sounds to me that they found one person to do many jobs. The sucker. You dodged a bullet
The trouble is, in this market most people would rather complain about their job than complain that they have nothing to eat and can’t pay their mortgage.
I applied to a place in September 2025, got an interview, was told I was their #1 guy, just needed to pass some government thing. That took until Feb but I haven’t been hired yet. They keep sending me forums to fill out. Not to mention it takes months to get a reply from them.
Interviewed at a different place in October. 2nd round in November, was told in Dec that they don’t hire during Christmas. I’d have an offer “soon” and start day would be 2nd week of Jan. They ghosted me. This guy asked my old boss for good people and my old boss said me… No idea what happened.
Applied to something in March. It was almost perfect… 10-15k less than I was making and in office when I was remote but I had been out of work for 6-7 months at this point. I had 10+ years experience with 90% of the tools they use. Interview went well but the manager was “weird”. I can’t describe it better than that. Seemed like a nice guy and I don’t think I let it affect my interview but something was off… I didn’t get the job but I’m almost thankful.
None of these I’ll forget. I’m burnt out.
Now think of some folks actually being quite successful by selling courses and trainings where they just talk nonsense in bureaucratese to the audience. 💀
Weird Al has an excellent original song in the style of Crosby Stills Nash with regards to nonsensical business jargon: https://youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4
